Return To Sender… A Fat Girls Letter To The World On “Body Love Wellness”
So, I’m a “fatshionista” with insecurities. Big surprise. I believe we all do, but we’re all working through them. I feel good about myself more often than not at this point in my life, but sometimes (see the Divine incident!) I lost that confidence. I want to have it ALL the time – I want to feel great about myself each and everyday, regardless of what situation I am thrown into.
My life is secretly a sitcom a la Seinfeld. My husband is like Kramer, and I am a mix of Jerry, George, and Elaine.
Hilarity and strangeness ensues, as so awkward situations and strange happenings. So sometimes I am at wine tastings with my best friends wearing zipper leggings and a punk dress, looking mostly out of place, and other times I am wearing a fancy dress with my favorite heels dining at a nice restaurant. But in both situations, I usually get insecure. Comparing myself to other people, worried about what they are thinking – it’s something I always think I’ve gotten over with my “brave” (direct quote from one of my husband’s relatives…compliment? Possibly.) fashion and love for myself, but it always sneaks in in certain social situations.
So, what does this have to do with ANYTHING?
Well, I was contact by Golda Poretsky, of Body Love Wellness a Holistic Health Counselor out of NYC, a fellow fatshionista, and an advocate for loving your body and yourself, at any size.
She specializes in HAES, amazing, right? She’s been on the CBS Early Show, ABC’s Nightline, and featured on Time Out NY – so this is completely legitimate. She wanted to do a free session with me over the phone, and I figured, why not? Will a little boost in self love hurt me? Of course not. And I need to get over my phone phobia.
She called me on Monday for our session at 5 pm and I answered nervously, feeling like my awkward phone self, but I was greeted by this delightfully happy, bubbly, and easy to listen to voice that completely took me off guard. We introduced ourselves, and immediately I felt at ease. I talked about my self-consciousness in bigger social situations, my relationship with food and how I’d rather it be, and just life in general. The hour session literally flew by with lots of laughter, encouragement, and me actually verbalizing how I’d like these things to change.
It was so refreshing to finally just say, “I don’t want to feel good about myself 90% of the time, I want to feel good about my 100% of the time.”
Our one session already had me thinking about how I feel about myself in a completely different way. I always knew that I often has some self-doubt and insecurities, but until I actually verbalized and realized when and where, it didn’t hit me. I just thought I would deal with feeling like this, end of story. I never really considered trying to CHANGE the way I feel.
You can keep up with Golda on her blog at Body Love Wellness, and on Twitter @goldap.