“Being plus size is not a deformity.” ~ The Love Coach
When I first met Nasira Nekisha Michelle, Love Mentor, Matchmaker and “Ready Women” Influencer, I felt an instant connection. Not only is she beautiful, but I was also captivated by how freely and confidently she spoke about relationships. In talking to her, I instantly learned so much that I wish I had known years ago.
Clearly, I wanted everyone to experience what I did during our talk, so I reached out to Nasira, who I now affectionately call my “Love Guru”, for an exclusive PMM interview.
Maddy: What exactly is a love coach and how, do you describe yourself?
Nasira: A love coach is a mentor for people who want to find an amazing love and relationship but for whatever reason, they may have not seen it in their lifetime, growing up with couples.
M: Who would benefit from speaking to a love coach? And is it only in person or on the phone? What avenues do you use to speak with clients?
N: The beautiful thing about technology is that we can talk via phone, video chat, or in person. We can even do e-mail coaching; we call it e-coaching. Because of the internet, with most people having access to cell phones and computers, women and men all over the world are accessible.
We even have what I call “love coach weekends”. If this person is adamant about being with the other person and we live in two different areas, we will arrange a weekend where we choose a destination and date to spend some time together. That’s love in a weekend. Sometimes it can be with a couple or it can be with an individual. I can work with you at any stage of where you are in your love process.
M: This is sort of like therapy and intervention all in one type of place.
N: It truly is. My background is in social work and therapy. However, while I was a social worker, I started to feel some guilt and felt like I was stuck in the idea of others people’s theories when it came to treatment. I am a result type of a person. I may not know the answer in my brain but when I listen to my spirit, the answer always comes and that’s exactly what the person needs.
M: When you’re speaking and coaching others, do you use your personal experiences or situations as part of your work?
N: I’m able to use and draw from my own personal experiences, as well as knowing how relationships work and should be. If my client is a spiritual person, or more of a logical person, it makes it easier to talk to them as well. I am able to draw from a pool of my own experiences both personally and professionally. As a social worker, I dealt with human behavior, the psychology of people in how they function in their lives, and the sociology of how people function in groups and family settings.
M: What is the true definition of love to you?
N: Love is acceptance of a human being and being committed to their growth, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Love is about being proud and excited about where that person is going, who that person is and figuring out how to be a part of that.
M: Do you feel that love or how we see love, is different for men and women? I have heard the term “love language”; is that different for men and women? Do men and women see love in a different way and/or experience love in a different way? Or is it the same for everyone and we just think it’s different?
N: Initially, it is different in the beginning stages. If that person turns out to be the one, you create a new being within that relationship. It’s no longer “you and me”, it is now us. It’s now “we are together” and we become one. We start sharing the same feelings, but initially there are so many things that separate us and yet we all have different love languages. Specifically for men, a man truly won’t give you his heart because he doesn’t know how to give you his heart. For women, we feel love when you show us attention and make other people aware of what we have.
M: The new thing and topic of conversation lately has been open marriages. What exactly is an open marriage and is that a relationship where love lives?
N: I am bias so you’re going to get my judgmental opinion. In an open marriage, both people lack space and the confidence in themselves to be monogamous and deeply fall in love with their partner. They lack the space to be with that one person, get to know them and create new challenges, so the relationship can keep growing on a daily basis or until death do us apart. Anytime you get in those situations, it may be cute as first but it’s going to change the dynamic of what you have or what you had.M: What are three tips you can offer people in a relationship or marriage that can spice up their relationship?
N: I held a Facebook Live on this topic less than a month ago. I spoke about the importance fulfilling your partner’s fantasies, including those they don’t know that they have. Number one tip is to play! Are you playing? Don’t take the relationship so serious where all you do is take your business, work, come home tired, put food on the table, eat and then go to sleep, living separate lives.
The second tip is be involved. Insert yourself in your partner’s life. For example, my husband is always inserting himself in my business matters. He knows all my clients, pretty much knowing what everyone is going through, so he feels involved.
The third tip is checking in. How am I doing? How did I do this week? Check in with the hard stuff of the relationship, then check in emotionally. Your status should be like grading: A, B, C, D, F. When we get to the F status, everyone is angry, blaming each other, and confused on how did we get to F. It’s because there’s so discussion leading up to the crisis that happened.
M: Does social media work for dating? How do you even approach it? Should you be looking for love on social media and/or dating apps?
N: Anything can work at any given time when you’re ready. For single people, it’s important to know where you get stuck in that whole dating process. Because what you don’t know, that’s what hurts.
M: You talk about being ready. How do you get ready and what does it mean to be ready for love? Does that mean to love yourself and get over your past bad relationships? What exactly does that mean? Or does that mean something different for everyone?
N: It does mean something different for everyone, because people are at different levels in their lives. For me, being ready simply meant I had to learn to love me and know that it wasn’t me being a plus size woman that was keeping me from love and having the love I want. It’s me not knowing how to meet properly and I had to be a representative and an ambassador for myself.
M: Is dating different when you are plus size? How do we speak to plus size women about settling?
N: The number one thing we have to do is to delete the plus size part of us as a person. We’re looking at it as if it’s an illness or deformity. If you’re not settled as a plus size woman and you feel like it’s a problem, you have to remember, how we truly feel is what we put out in the world. The universe is confirming what we feel, until we feel something differently. How you feel about you, is the greater issue.
M: Can you tell me about your column with the Huffington Post?
N: One day a colleague said to me, “You need to have your own column for the Huffington Post!” I was so embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know what Huffington Post was! She then told me to send an email to them, letting them know about me and my writing and see what happens. Arianna Huffington got back to me within a day! She said, “Nasira, I love how you write! I love who you are! We would be honored to have you as a contributor for our platform for the Huffington Post!”
I wanted something more significant with my column so I decided to give a voice to those women who are not afraid to love, who are not afraid to be who they are, who are running their industry and have real life challenges in their life but are not afraid and can be authentic. I feel like that’s a “Ready Woman”.
I created the term “Ready Woman”, because no matter what you throw at her, you’re going to love her when she gets done dealing with it. So that’s my voice, giving a voice and a platform for women who I consider being “Ready Women” and telling their stories, not just describing how successful they are professionally, I’m on top of my game because this is what I had to personally deal with.
You can follow Nasira online here:
Official website: www.nekisha-michelle.com
Huffington Post: http://m.huffpost.com/us/author/nekisha-544
Nasira’s “Between the Sheets” free love classes are held on Facebook Live here: www.facebook.com/readywomansociety
— First and second Fridays of each month for singles.
— First anad second Saturdays of each month for Marriage Mastery.